Couples Therapy
Danville, California (virtual sessions available for all California).
Couples Therapy
Finding Real Intimacy
Real intimacy is when you can love, tell the your truth and feel safe. Your spouse or partner should to be your primary source of emotional support and intimate connection. Marriage or a relationship is at it's best when it supports vulnerability, truth and transparency between partners.
It is normal for relationships to experience periods of difficulty at some point. These difficulties can range from communication breakdowns, decreased intimacy, parenting challenges and even loss of trust due to infidelity or an affair.
However, when that "safe" place no longer feels safe, you can begin to feel alone, scared, lonely and overwhelmed. When you no longer feel safe to connect with your partner, hurt and resentment can set in; leaving the couple vulnerable to increasing conflict and emotional withdrawal.
It's not uncommon to find yourself feeling disconnected and withdrawn from the person that you love the most. No matter what the challenge might be, the way the couple responds to that challenge can make the difference in the quality of the marriage. Seeking professional couples therapy can help your relationship get back on track.
In couples therapy, we will work together to find root of the disconnection and detachment. Or perhaps, bridge the gap that has grown between the couple or how we can repair the rupture. As your couples therapist, I will help to identify where you are stuck and what cycles keep you from real intimacy. You as a couple will learn to work together to build a new foundation where healthy communication and secure attachment is established and healthy skills are learned and embedded into the relationship.
My approach to couples work is cultural affirming and trauma informed as in my individual work integrated with Developmental Model and the Relational Life Therapy. Most importantly, the foundation of my work is built on the idea that the key to a long, happy, healthy marriage or relationship is for both partners to allow for their truth to be spoken and to feel safe to do so. Finding the courage to lovingly and respectfully share your thoughts, feelings, and needs allows your partner to know you intimately and creates a powerful attachment, deep bond and true intimacy. My ultimate goal is to create a safe environment and space for my clients to do so.
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Couples therapy can help couples resolve these common problems:
Communication Difficulties
Fighting
Distancing and Withdrawl
Shutting Down
Repetitive,unresolved recycled arguments and disagreements
Parenting Difficulties
Disagreements regarding parenting and discipline
Feeling undermined as a parent by your spouse
"Empty Nest" adjustment
Blended family challenges
Financial or Career Challenges
Differences in money values
Partner out of work or working” too much”
Infidelity/Affairs
Feelings of betrayal by spouse
Loss of trust
Emotional involvement with person outside of marriage
Extra-marital sexual affair
Excessive use of pornography
Other sexual behaviors outside of marriage
Intimacy Issues
Feeling disconneced and misunderstood
Decreased passion
Loss of affection
Decreased sex
Excessive use of electronics
Avoidance of vulnerability
Mixed race/Cultured Couples and Interracial Couples
You were raised in America but were raised by immigrants and are now seeing the differences in your upbringing due to cultural disparities. Or there are things that your partner doesn’t understand about your experience that you don’t know how to explain or they just don’t get it? I have considerable experience in working with mixed culture/race and interracial couples, from my experience I bring an understanding of the nuances and challenges that may arise in these relationships. I help couples navigate cultural differences, fostering open communication, and promoting mutual respect and understanding. By drawing upon my experience and knowledge in this area, I am able to provide valuable insights and guidance to help couples strengthen their bond and build a successful, harmonious relationship. Our focus is on unpacking how misunderstandings stem from cultural differences and upbringings, and how learning about each other's backgrounds can help resolve conflicts. We provide a safe space for couples to explore and be curious, encouraging them to embrace discomfort as a means to grow and strengthen their bond. By addressing cultural discrepancies head-on, we help couples build bridges across differences and foster deeper connections in their relationship. My goal is to assist in recognizing and resolving issues stemming from miscommunication and cultural disparities, allowing partners to better understand each other's perspectives, intentions, and emotions. Creating a safe space to be their authentic selves can be uncomfortable but if they can learn each others perspectives and sit through their discomfort so much growth and learning can be achieved. Their partner can feel seen, heard and understood which will be transformative in the relationship. With that, their bond and intimacy will grow and they can become a safe space for one another.
Does it feel like you been having the same fight for the past decade?
Have you been having the same fights over and over again for decades? Are you considering finally giving up but at the same time don’t want to give up? I work with many couples who have been together for decades and find themselves stuck in the same problematic patterns without resolution. Our approach is centered on uncovering the deep-rooted issues within the relationship, fostering a profound understanding of each partner's perspectives, emotions, and motivations. Many couples learn things about their partner that they never knew or uncover a trauma that has never revealed. With effective communication, curiosity, and real vuneralbility couples can get to know their partner at a deeper more intimate level and reconnect. Through our tailored sessions, couples gain the necessary skills to communicate effectively, fostering mindfulness and intentionality in their interactions. We work together and I help guide you on the path to a more profound connection and a healthier, transformed relationship. Our work is collaborative and we talk it at the pace of the couple. The key is to break cycle that has been plaguing your marriage for years and create new memories and a new experience through a solid foundation and understanding.
Frequently Asked Questions
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I recommend our first session be an 80 minute session so that I can get both parties perspectives of what they feel is happening. The first session is mostly information gathering, learning about each of your backgrounds, giving some psycho-education on couples therapy, and discussing next steps.
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Ahh, the magic question! I wish I could give everyone a definitive answer but unfortunately I can't. It takes as long as it takes. The key is that we see progress and we are able to implement the skills and the things we learn in session. Every couple is unique and situation is different.
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Yes! I do conduct both virtual and in-person sessions. Virtually I have two requirements:
1) The couple are sitting side by side so I can see the both of you and you can look at each other when you are speaking
2) I can see and hear you speaking to each other as well.